I Hear You

It’s bad enough that Willie is married to a woman who, shall we say, struggles heroically with ADHD, but because we apparently enjoy life on hard mode, I am also fairly deaf. Not “selective hearing” deaf. Legitimate, doctor-confirmed, I-own-hearing-aids deaf.

Now, hearing loss by itself is not usually comedic material. ADHD, however, very much is. And when you combine the two, you don’t get a mild inconvenience—you get a full-blown communication carnival featuring wild misinterpretations, accidental rudeness, and a whole lot of confused staring.

Everyone knows ADHD folks are famous for interrupting. That’s because our brains are running a thousand open tabs, and when a thought pops up, we feel morally obligated to say it immediately—before it sprints off into the labyrinth never to be seen again. This trait is… not universally beloved.

What I did not realize is that ADHD also causes the exact opposite behavior.

Sometimes we will look you straight in the eye and simply… not respond. Not because we didn’t hear you. Not because we don’t care. It’s because we are buffering. The wheels are turning. The hamster has the wheel, but he’s checking his phone first.

Often this buffering begins with the word “What?”

Now here’s the fun part: while you are repeating yourself, we are no longer listening to you at all. We are still processing what you originally said. So now there are two sentences in the queue, both waiting their turn, neither of which will be answered in a timely manner.

Add actual hearing loss to this mix, and suddenly the house is filled with a mountain of “what’s,” each one sounding identical but meaning something entirely different. Did I not hear you? Did I hear you but need time to process? Am I having a full mental reboot? No one knows. Especially not me.

Apparently, this is irritating to one’s spouse.

You can tell when Willie has reached peak frustration because he will repeat himself with added volume. Not to help me hear—oh no. This is emotional amplification. This is the audible equivalent of underlining something three times and circling it in red.

We are working on it. Willie says I just need to let him know that I heard him.

But how?

I can’t answer verbally, because that would interrupt the processing. Should I tap my nose? Blink twice? Hold up a finger like I’m buffering in real life?

At this point, I’m seriously considering carrying a little sign that just says:
“I heard you. Please stand by.”