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Okay, so a touch of the serious stuff today. I’ve talked about it before, but it bears repeating. We are wired for familarity. What we know is what we know and what we know is what we are comfortable with. That means if you’ve only known chaos and stress, then joy and happiness feels unfamiliar. It may even feel unsafe. YOUR BRAIN WILL LOOK FOR WAYS TO SHUT IT DOWN! What to do? What to do?
First, take a walk and breeeeeeeathe. Seriously, nature and mindful breathing have been proven to calm the nervous system. Not into walking? Try music for a few minutes. Music doesn’t do it for you? Try exercise. What you are doing is “resetting” your nervous system, literally, physically. It doesn’t take a lot of time, but it does take concentrated effort.
Next, make sure you’re dealing with the here and now. I find a lot of my stress comes from something I thought/felt in the past, or I am worrying about the “what if’s” of the future. Stop for a minute and figure out how to deal with this very minute. I can’t tell you (meaning I won’t admit) how many times my current issue—really, is it that big of a deal to change our plans?—has nothing to do with the now, and everything to do with my old overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Occasionally, a person says a single sentence to me, and in my own head I turn it into a story about the future, complete with good guys and bad guys, and a less-than-satisfactory ending. How ’bout you?
Next, accept—truly accept—that control, especially over the world-at-large, is an illusion. Accepting means you stop resisting. Hint: It’s actually the resisting that is making you feel so bad! If you choose to accept, you get to control you. Deciding to feel better about something is a choice, and I don’t know about you, but as a bonafide control freak, I really like controlling my own choices.
Now it’s time to let it go. That’s right. If you messed up. Figure out if you can fix it in any way. If you can, then fix it. If not, make the appropriate apology, move on, and do better next time. If “they” messed up, let them know your (calmed) feelings. Know that that you may or may not receive an apology (because not everyone is as self-aware and evolved as you are) and move on. That’s it. That’s really it. There’s no point in creating further drama and getting stuck in a spiral of misery and helplessness. Help yourself. Help others.
I may sound confident and grounded here, but don’t be fooled—my self-judging train has made plenty of dramatic stops over the years, complete with emotional baggage and a snack cart full of worst-case scenarios. The good news? It’s gotten a lot easier since I started paying attention to which trains I board—and which ones I just let pass me by.