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We are still looking back on our trip out west with such fondness! One of the sharpest contrasts between the West and the South isn’t just the accents or the BBQ sauce—it’s the greenery. We’re downright spoiled with foliage. Lush, luscious, leafy…at times it looks like the Garden of Eden, if Eden had been designed by a landscaper with no sense of restraint. We’re not tropical, but we’ve got flowers and plants exotic enough to make you wonder if you accidentally wandered into a botanical theme park.
And then there’s kudzu.
If you’ve never heard of kudzu, congratulations—you’re living your best life. Kudzu is the South’s way of reminding you that pretty things can, in fact, be the work of Satan. It’s a trailing vine with all the charm of an over-eager party guest: once it shows up, it refuses to leave. At first glance, it looks lovely—deep green leaves climbing around every fencepost and treetop. But don’t be fooled. Kudzu is basically a leafy horror film. When we first moved here, Willie and I took one look and agreed it resembled a “Land Before Time” set…or maybe the B-roll from “Jurassic Park”. The only thing missing was a brontosaurus chewing its cud in the background.
This stuff climbs telephone poles like it’s training for Cirque du Soleil. It swallows shrubs in weeks, trees in a season. Entire groves disappear under its emerald cloak, and when the vine finally dies back in winter—surprise!—you’ve got a tree graveyard. Park a tractor too long? Kudzu will claim it. Leave your cottage unattended? It’ll be wrapped up like a Christmas present nobody asked for.
Our neighbor has a patch of the stuff, and poor Willie spends three seasons a year patrolling the ridge like a one-man kudzu border patrol. He comes in sweaty, scratched up, and muttering war stories about “that vine sneaking over the line again.”
We love living in the South. But kudzu is proof that beauty can be deadly. Around here, “lush and green” doesn’t always mean paradise—it sometimes means Mother Nature is actively plotting a hostile takeover.
This is the South, y’all. If the mosquitoes don’t get you, the kudzu just might.